I was listening to one of the pod casts from Another Mother Runner and they were reviewing some of their best of episodes and Dimity McDowell mentioned a quote “What I will do to feel the way I want to feel”.  That is a beautiful quote.  I was having a shitty day the other day.  Ya know what, things happen and the day was off to a rough start for me so I was feeling irritable.  I even told the receptionist at the chiropractor’s office that I was grumpy and sick of people!  I wasn’t rude to her and Dr. Pat of course, but I had a bug up my ass.

On my way home I listening to the rest of the podcast I started when I was on my way there and they had a recap from when Kristen Armstrong was on an episode and she talked about her gratitude journal.  I remember that episode two summers ago and I also started a gratitude journal.  But it only lasted about a week.  Then Dimity and Sarah were talking and Sarah asked if Dimity had kept hers and she said that she changed it up a little.  That’s where the quote comes in.  I sat on that for a few days.  I went out with my girlfriends and we had a very nice dinner and conversation outside on a patio of a restaurant.  On my drive up to the restaurant I was listening to a different podcast because I wanted to learn something new.  I have been on a learning path the past few weeks.  Learning new things from SharePoint 2013/2016 to project management and business analysis.  I want to absorb as much information as I can.  I’m at a point in my life that I have to do what I need to feel the way I want to feel.  The fate of my life and my happiness is in my hands.  I cannot depend on someone else or something else to make me happy.  I am the only person who can be responsible for that happiness.

I was in a time of darkness a few weeks back where I was feeling like I was in the mud.  I couldn’t get out of bed, I felt very sad and down and I was completely unattached.  It was very visible to my husband and I can’t say specifically what was causing the problem.  I know I was battling depression.  It was creeping in and taking over me.  I think some of it was the weather.  But I also think it may be because there is something that I want but it is still just out of my reach.  Again, this is where I have to rely on myself to reach the goals I want to achieve.  So I am working hard to get there.

At the restaurant I saw the most beautiful scenery and it brought me peace.  I needed to let go and get stuff off my chest to the girls and it was a great night for it.

So I will do what I need to do to feel the way I want to feel.  Thanks Dim!