I have come to a point in my running life where I need to make a difficult decision.  This decision is based around the Marine Corps Marathon.  I entered the lottery for the marathon this year as a way of tossing my fate out to the universe, and I was chosen.  So I accepted the fact that I was chosen and I have been training for it.  I am coming to the point in the training where longer runs are required and these runs are intertwining with my family’s busy schedule of Fall softball season and back to school events, along with Fall activities.

If you read my blog you will remember that last year I had a very difficult race for the Marine Corps Marathon.  This year, during my training I have been analyzing my stats from last year’s race and mapping out training runs against the elevation map of the existing course map.  So I am preparing myself.  Also, major changes have been made to the race course this year because of the changes going on with the Metro construction.  If there ever is a year to do this race with a lot of leeway, this is the year.  BUT, I am just not feeling it in my heart.  If I am not feeling it in my heart now, what is going to happen on race day?  I already feel like I am setting myself up for failure.

Last year Dimity McDowell, from Another Mother Runner’s  spoke at a seminar for Girl’s Night Out during Hartford Marathon weekend.  She mentioned that there are sometimes things that happen in our life that get in the way of our training, or can cause a shift in our focus.  Changes in work, changes in family, health, etc.  I did just start a new job this past summer and my husband has been struggling with pain lately.  So there is a lot on my mind.

I finally vocalized my fear of this race to my husband today and told him I am considering deferring my registration this year.  He supports my decision either way; but did tell me that sometimes we get burnt out with things we do.  And that maybe I would benefit from the time off, or less pressure of getting in the marathon before my third Dopey challenge in January.  I believe I will feel a big weight off of my shoulders if I defer this race; but then I will also feel some guilt because of all years to get a “redo” of last year’s race, this is the year to do it.

I have shifted a lot of my efforts and focus this past summer on getting healthier.  I am eating better, working out differently and running casually.  I wanted to enjoy running and not have it become a chore, which it has now become.  When I trained for my first marathon, I enjoyed the training because it was leading me towards something I never did before.  As much as I would love to do this race this year; I want to do it when I am strong and looking forward to it.  Not as another, get it done for the sake of doing it.  Yes, it is a race for redemption to make up for my horrible experience last year; but I want to cross that line having the feeling that I was prepared.  Just like I felt after I finished my first marathon.

So I guess I made my decision.  Now I have to work on the paperwork.  Having said this out loud and writing about it; I can now also focus on getting some better half marathons under my belt as training runs.  I have been struggling with those races.  They used to be my favorite distance and I would like to also enjoy that distance again.